Dating again
Dating can be quite a scary scene, esp for me since I havent dated for the longest time.... more than 4 years. So much have happened, no time n energy to blog, no dat anyone really care to read it anyway. My blog is boring. My life is duh .... Anyway this blog is for myself anyway. Like a little black diary stashed away in case I try to find myself again.
So much have happened, I muster enough courage to join the dating loft. Went to sign up early this year. New year, new change, I thought.I just wanna be out n meet people who are interested in dating. Just a trial. In short, a dinner was organised, 4 gals n 4 guys, comfortable setting, 3 course where u get to know n have conversations with all the guys. I guess I was lucky, expecting to meet weirdos n ners. Turn out the guys were all eligible, pleasant looking n well spoken. I singled out 2 for a single date.
March, I met 'Tom Cruise'. I called him dat as he have very intense eyes, eurasian. Dad is from Europe n mum from indonesia. He's about 1.75m. Quite good looking, y the hell did he join dating loft for, I wondered. We met at a nice resturant at Empress place. The date went on well, we exchanged contact n all.
Cut the story short, he did ask me out after his trip back from Europe, we went out in April. Next date, in May. We met like once a month. The tarot card reader predicted him before he even appear in my life. I thought he's the one, according to her. The truth is there is no one.... don't ever wait for anyone to bail you out.
June 14, we went out for dinner. It's been a while since we met n no progress, my friend suggest dat I shake him up a bit. We had a nice dinner, a walk at robertson quay, then dessert. Dat's when I dig, can see he's uncomfortable in telling me. I asked how he pick up gals from attica.... I realised 30 mins later dat he's seeing many other gals. That's nothing wrong, really. We were nvr exclusive. We nvr talked abt exclusivity. But now I realised dat we are not meeting often not coz he's busy with work. He's busy with other gals. He's rotating me into his schedule, u know like a rotiserrie chicken hanging on skewers at cold storage.
I m not putting up a fight for this one, not worth it. Unless I feel dat he has a liking for me n has not made up his mind yet. I m not gonna be one of his gals who take turns to have dinner with him, esp after I read the book 'Why Men Marry Bitches'. I m determined to be a bitch, not because I yearned for a big rock on my finger, but because I aint hard up. Quote : I rather be disliked for who I am than to be loved for who I am not.
My big fat balloon burst. Not because he's eligible or he's good looking, I don't need his money or even fancy his (private lift) apt at East Coast, I like him coz I thought there was a strong connection there, emotionally. I thought he knew who I really and I thought this could be it. Wisdom of a fool won't set me free. Well, I realised dat he's not emotionally available, or maybe just not for me. I thought we had a great time hanging out but probably dat's just me.
Everytime I passed by the Singapore flyer, I thought of him. Hoping dat we could have the 1st experience up there together. What a naive fool I've been.... he asked me a few times if I 've been on it. I told him no but I would like to go there one day with someone. I meant someone, anyone so can take pics for me. He said 'well, we can go there together someday.' I was silent. I no longer yearn for it. Now I cant face the flyer anymore without aching, at least for a while. So today, I've decided to go on the flyer this week. I wanna face the giant myself, most prob on a weekday afternoon when it's less crowded. Did I mention I m afraid of heights?
I can do this, I can be the bitch I always wanted to be. I m whole, secured and complete on my own. I have a great life ahead of me.I m gonna be very happy if I get married. And if I stay single, I will be very happy too. Talk about finding love in all the wrong places. Gosh, I paid a f^%#%&* dating agency! If even dat is considered 'wrong place', where is the right place. God damn it! I m pissed! But then again, why is love so hard? : (
So much have happened, I muster enough courage to join the dating loft. Went to sign up early this year. New year, new change, I thought.I just wanna be out n meet people who are interested in dating. Just a trial. In short, a dinner was organised, 4 gals n 4 guys, comfortable setting, 3 course where u get to know n have conversations with all the guys. I guess I was lucky, expecting to meet weirdos n ners. Turn out the guys were all eligible, pleasant looking n well spoken. I singled out 2 for a single date.
March, I met 'Tom Cruise'. I called him dat as he have very intense eyes, eurasian. Dad is from Europe n mum from indonesia. He's about 1.75m. Quite good looking, y the hell did he join dating loft for, I wondered. We met at a nice resturant at Empress place. The date went on well, we exchanged contact n all.
Cut the story short, he did ask me out after his trip back from Europe, we went out in April. Next date, in May. We met like once a month. The tarot card reader predicted him before he even appear in my life. I thought he's the one, according to her. The truth is there is no one.... don't ever wait for anyone to bail you out.
June 14, we went out for dinner. It's been a while since we met n no progress, my friend suggest dat I shake him up a bit. We had a nice dinner, a walk at robertson quay, then dessert. Dat's when I dig, can see he's uncomfortable in telling me. I asked how he pick up gals from attica.... I realised 30 mins later dat he's seeing many other gals. That's nothing wrong, really. We were nvr exclusive. We nvr talked abt exclusivity. But now I realised dat we are not meeting often not coz he's busy with work. He's busy with other gals. He's rotating me into his schedule, u know like a rotiserrie chicken hanging on skewers at cold storage.
I m not putting up a fight for this one, not worth it. Unless I feel dat he has a liking for me n has not made up his mind yet. I m not gonna be one of his gals who take turns to have dinner with him, esp after I read the book 'Why Men Marry Bitches'. I m determined to be a bitch, not because I yearned for a big rock on my finger, but because I aint hard up. Quote : I rather be disliked for who I am than to be loved for who I am not.
My big fat balloon burst. Not because he's eligible or he's good looking, I don't need his money or even fancy his (private lift) apt at East Coast, I like him coz I thought there was a strong connection there, emotionally. I thought he knew who I really and I thought this could be it. Wisdom of a fool won't set me free. Well, I realised dat he's not emotionally available, or maybe just not for me. I thought we had a great time hanging out but probably dat's just me.
Everytime I passed by the Singapore flyer, I thought of him. Hoping dat we could have the 1st experience up there together. What a naive fool I've been.... he asked me a few times if I 've been on it. I told him no but I would like to go there one day with someone. I meant someone, anyone so can take pics for me. He said 'well, we can go there together someday.' I was silent. I no longer yearn for it. Now I cant face the flyer anymore without aching, at least for a while. So today, I've decided to go on the flyer this week. I wanna face the giant myself, most prob on a weekday afternoon when it's less crowded. Did I mention I m afraid of heights?
I can do this, I can be the bitch I always wanted to be. I m whole, secured and complete on my own. I have a great life ahead of me.I m gonna be very happy if I get married. And if I stay single, I will be very happy too. Talk about finding love in all the wrong places. Gosh, I paid a f^%#%&* dating agency! If even dat is considered 'wrong place', where is the right place. God damn it! I m pissed! But then again, why is love so hard? : (
posted by Birkenstocker at 10:41 AM
2 comments
