Confused?
If my state of life is miserable right now, I simply have no idea. As far as I m concerned, I m pretty happy with my work, I have a great family, almost. I stay by myself, which means I have my own personal space. I have friends whom I can go out with n talk to whenever I like it. I love God n I feel fulfilled spiritually, almost. The only thing that others think are lacking is a man, soulmate aka partner.
Not that I do not want to settle down, I certainly do. At this point of time, I m just in my comfort zone. I love lazing around at home jus doing nothing sometimes, with my pile of laundry to be done, my doggy's poo to be cleared. I take a day off work sometime, just to romance a good book. I constantly wanna spend more time with my nieces n nephew before they grow up n lead their own lives (currently, I m still lotsa fun to them). I enjoyed inviting my friends over for dinner n dvd at times. Currently I m working hard n saving towards my own home where I can jus laze around the pool n have a ice cold beer. A pad I can call my own. There's no space for someone special at this point of time. The whole cycle would be disrupted.
According to my previous experience, this is the time when 'He' will show up, disrupt my fuss free lifestyle right now, sweep me off my feet n suddenly I become acutely aware that my 2 and half years of singleton is mere misery n empty. How did I get by all these while? How did I manage to convince myself that I was having a great time? But the fact is I m really pretty cool abt my status quo right now. Have I became so good in convincing myself that I m having a whale of a time which I will come to miss once 'He' arrived? And after a year or so, 'He' end up to be some jackass aka slime pus, or a total misfit for me. Someone totally wrong for me.
It happened twice before, I m so afraid for the whole cycle to repeat again, like a broken record player, playing the bad tune over n over n over again. I should be a smart gal, at least I was told. A smart gal do not repeat a mistake, but it happened twice before, and now I m terrified but at the some time, there's this little part of me that wish this time it will turn out alright. Hang in there! 'He' has not appeared yet, not that I know of. I can't even see a tiny spot moving towards me at the end of the road. But something's telling me that it's coming. The whole cycle. I do not mind really but it better end up good. I m so confused right now that I don't even know wat I really want anymore.
I should just carry on enjoying my singleton till 'He' comes. 'He' better be worth it then.
Not that I do not want to settle down, I certainly do. At this point of time, I m just in my comfort zone. I love lazing around at home jus doing nothing sometimes, with my pile of laundry to be done, my doggy's poo to be cleared. I take a day off work sometime, just to romance a good book. I constantly wanna spend more time with my nieces n nephew before they grow up n lead their own lives (currently, I m still lotsa fun to them). I enjoyed inviting my friends over for dinner n dvd at times. Currently I m working hard n saving towards my own home where I can jus laze around the pool n have a ice cold beer. A pad I can call my own. There's no space for someone special at this point of time. The whole cycle would be disrupted.
According to my previous experience, this is the time when 'He' will show up, disrupt my fuss free lifestyle right now, sweep me off my feet n suddenly I become acutely aware that my 2 and half years of singleton is mere misery n empty. How did I get by all these while? How did I manage to convince myself that I was having a great time? But the fact is I m really pretty cool abt my status quo right now. Have I became so good in convincing myself that I m having a whale of a time which I will come to miss once 'He' arrived? And after a year or so, 'He' end up to be some jackass aka slime pus, or a total misfit for me. Someone totally wrong for me.
It happened twice before, I m so afraid for the whole cycle to repeat again, like a broken record player, playing the bad tune over n over n over again. I should be a smart gal, at least I was told. A smart gal do not repeat a mistake, but it happened twice before, and now I m terrified but at the some time, there's this little part of me that wish this time it will turn out alright. Hang in there! 'He' has not appeared yet, not that I know of. I can't even see a tiny spot moving towards me at the end of the road. But something's telling me that it's coming. The whole cycle. I do not mind really but it better end up good. I m so confused right now that I don't even know wat I really want anymore.
I should just carry on enjoying my singleton till 'He' comes. 'He' better be worth it then.
posted by Birkenstocker at 6:42 PM
2 comments
