Before Sunset
My ex is getting married. It's so unfair. All my exes get married very soon after they left me. It's heart breaking. Maybe I m only good for short encounters. They all loved me to bits when we were together.
I always feel like a freak because I'm never able to move on like this! You know? People just have an affair or even...entire relationships...they break up and they forget! They move on like they would have changed brand of cereals! I feel I was never able to forget anyone I've been with. Because each person have...their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost.
Each relationship when it ends really damages me; I never fully recover. That's why I'm very careful with getting involved because...it hurts too much! Even getting laid - I actually don't do that. I will miss of the person the most mundane things. Like I'm obsessed with little things. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details.
I guess when you're young...you just believe there'll be many people with whom you'll connect with. Later in life you realize it only happens a few times. Well, the past is the past. It was meant to be that way. Maybe some people are good at only brief encounters.
Couples are so confused, uh lately. I think it must be that...men need to feel essential, and they don't anymore. Because it's been imprinted in their heads for so many years that they had to be the provider...like I, I'm a strong independent woman in my professional life. I don't need a man to feed me but I still need a man to love me and that I could love, you know. For me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore. I was suffering so much all the time. I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life.
Even being alone...it's better than...sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely. It's not so easy for me to be all romantic. You start off that way and after you've been screwed over a few times...you...you…you forget about all your delusional ideas and you just take what comes into your life. That's not even true I haven't been...screwed over, I've just had too many blah relationships.
Reality and love are almost contradictory for me. It's funny...every single of my ex’s...they're now married! Men go out with me, we break up, and then they get married! And later they call me to thank me for teaching them what love is. The love of your life? The concept is absurd; the idea that we can only be complete with another person is...EVIL!! RIGHT??!! You know, I guess I've been heartbroken too many times. And then I recovered. So now, you know, from the starts I make no effort…because I know it’s not going to work out, I know it’s not going to work out.
I know I can't live your life trying to avoid pain. There's been so much water under the bridge, it's...it's not even about him anymore, it's about that time, that moment in time that is forever gone, I don't know!
I'm so miserable in my love life, in my relationship, I always act as... like...you know, I'm detached, but I'm... I'm dying inside. I'm dying because I'm so numb. I don't feel pain, or excitement. I'm not even bitter.
Ok now God , where are you? I 'm beginning to turn into an angry. depresssive maniac. Where are your promises for me? My life has turned into a mockery. Is it all my fault? Where does my faults lie? I 'm a huge joke and I have enough.
I've friends, unfaithful time n again, demanding yet they have someone who love them loads, effortlessly. Me? struggling to keep alive. IT's so unfair. I've had enough. I really don't think I deserve all this. I loved them with all of my heart. I m not mother Theresa, turn someone into something better, taught them something valuable, they left and lived a better life, and here I m, mourning away all the good years. I don't want to wait in vain....
I always feel like a freak because I'm never able to move on like this! You know? People just have an affair or even...entire relationships...they break up and they forget! They move on like they would have changed brand of cereals! I feel I was never able to forget anyone I've been with. Because each person have...their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost.
Each relationship when it ends really damages me; I never fully recover. That's why I'm very careful with getting involved because...it hurts too much! Even getting laid - I actually don't do that. I will miss of the person the most mundane things. Like I'm obsessed with little things. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details.
I guess when you're young...you just believe there'll be many people with whom you'll connect with. Later in life you realize it only happens a few times. Well, the past is the past. It was meant to be that way. Maybe some people are good at only brief encounters.
Couples are so confused, uh lately. I think it must be that...men need to feel essential, and they don't anymore. Because it's been imprinted in their heads for so many years that they had to be the provider...like I, I'm a strong independent woman in my professional life. I don't need a man to feed me but I still need a man to love me and that I could love, you know. For me it's better I don't romanticize things as much anymore. I was suffering so much all the time. I still have lots of dreams, but they're not in regard to my love life.
Even being alone...it's better than...sitting next to a lover and feeling lonely. It's not so easy for me to be all romantic. You start off that way and after you've been screwed over a few times...you...you…you forget about all your delusional ideas and you just take what comes into your life. That's not even true I haven't been...screwed over, I've just had too many blah relationships.
Reality and love are almost contradictory for me. It's funny...every single of my ex’s...they're now married! Men go out with me, we break up, and then they get married! And later they call me to thank me for teaching them what love is. The love of your life? The concept is absurd; the idea that we can only be complete with another person is...EVIL!! RIGHT??!! You know, I guess I've been heartbroken too many times. And then I recovered. So now, you know, from the starts I make no effort…because I know it’s not going to work out, I know it’s not going to work out.
I know I can't live your life trying to avoid pain. There's been so much water under the bridge, it's...it's not even about him anymore, it's about that time, that moment in time that is forever gone, I don't know!
I'm so miserable in my love life, in my relationship, I always act as... like...you know, I'm detached, but I'm... I'm dying inside. I'm dying because I'm so numb. I don't feel pain, or excitement. I'm not even bitter.
Ok now God , where are you? I 'm beginning to turn into an angry. depresssive maniac. Where are your promises for me? My life has turned into a mockery. Is it all my fault? Where does my faults lie? I 'm a huge joke and I have enough.
I've friends, unfaithful time n again, demanding yet they have someone who love them loads, effortlessly. Me? struggling to keep alive. IT's so unfair. I've had enough. I really don't think I deserve all this. I loved them with all of my heart. I m not mother Theresa, turn someone into something better, taught them something valuable, they left and lived a better life, and here I m, mourning away all the good years. I don't want to wait in vain....
posted by Birkenstocker at 8:23 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home