Romance n Reality

We are living in such a fast paced society with lotsa things to worry abt..... dengue fever, terriorist activities, elections, world peace, job security and so forth, do we have any time or energy left to be romantic?

I remember when I was young, I was a romantic at heart. Thinking what kinda surprises n ideas I would like to receive n give to my bf as soon as I get one later on in life. Baking cookies, cooking a decent meal, looking for romantic places to stroll in the evening etc. Activities..... that is fun n sweet n not the usual movie cum dinner combo.

Now, several years down the road, having suffered 2 failed relationships coupled with my busy schedule, I think I 've lost the notion of romance altogether. I remembered during my last relationship, we had a good time together, but it wasnt those candle light dinner, fireworks kinda romance. We dun really go around this tiny island in search of romantic places to go, things to do. In fact, many things were unplanned, spontanous type.

I remember there was one satuarday we decide to have a picnic all of a sudden. So in the morning, i went to cold storage to buy some fruits, bread, ham etc, went to his place to sort out the food, n there we go. Picnic at botanical garden in middle of Hot April. We lay our new mat in a level shady area n I start to make sandwich for both of us. After the sandwich, we share a can of cold drink which was pure heaven in the hot, humid weather. Then I nudge him to go for a jog which he had planned to do so, so I can claim the whole mat to myself lying down n reading my girly magazines. He said "U want me to get heat stroke isit, jogging in this weather?" So we took out our last can of cold drink n fought for every gulp. Then we look at each other n flashed a 'wat next' kinda look. Then he said it would be good if we can go for a swim. So we decide to go home after 30mins into our picnic. As we were walking to the car, we were laughing at how our picnic turn out. Like we were homeless n din have any place to eat a sandwich. Though things din turn out the way we wanted it, we had a good time, laughing at our silliness n the way things turn out. To me, that's fun n romantic.

I heard of some 'romantic' proposals that men used.... I really have no idea where they derived them from. Like hiding the ring in the ice cube. Romantic my foot! Imagine the gal drinking up her coke, put the ice cube in the mouth to chew. 2 secnorios;
1) she swallow the ring n had to be rush to hospital, the bf at that point of time is more worried abt the one carat stone($5k) than the gf well being. How romantic!
2) She sucked the ice for a min n spit it out into the bush or longkau. Bf got upset scold her n told her she jus spilt out one month of his income. They look frantically amongst the bush for the ring n the guy got bitten by a snake. Had a huge quarrel n decide to call it off.

Another proposal, listen to this..... u have to be rich to pull it off. During a romantic outdoor dinner, helicopter flew past n flash out "Mary, would u marry me?" and all the waiters waited n anticipate her to say yes before they can clap n congratulate the couple. And of course, the guy would have it all taped down, this stunt would have cost quite a sum. But that dun impressed me much at all. In fact, I find it cheesy.

Or booking the whole cinema, flashing the 'I love u' across the gigiantic screen. Kneeling in front of a top notch restuarant, say 'will u marry me' n cornered the gal into saying yes. OR maybe the gal cant wait to say yes, n would love to say yes in front of a group of strangers who know nothing abt them at all. And there she would be looking out for envious eyes, flaunting her ring in front of the waiters n waitresses who stare in awe (though it had happen many times in the restuarant). Or better still, telecast it on national TV. I would mark that the most embarassing moment of my life.

Some gals dream of these moments all their life. But i don't seriously..... maybe I m not romantic at all. I feel that a marriage which spelt the rest of our lives should be between us. I don't need my man to kneel in middle of Orchard road in front of envious onlookers who dun even have a clue who u are. It's the rest of our lives that matters, not the moment. If I want to flaunt something, I would want to flaunt the rest of our lives, both working to the commitment to each other, and not the 'moment'. Many 'romantic' proposals that I no of have oredi ended up in divorce, extreme bitterness. Irony isnt it?

None of Meg Ryan movies that I know of have such cheesy proposals. A proposal to send the rest of our lives together should be about us, n not anyone else. It should be spontanous in the sense that the guy had oredi decide to do it, buy the ring and not plan when to say it. OR maybe even in the absence of the ring, it can still be romantic as long as the moment is right. He will say it when the moment come. U no.... it may be when u are doing the most mundane things, u just feel it n say it sincerely n as nicely as u can. Marriage is not abt the proposal. It's about the rest of our lives.

I would like to quote this from the moive When Harry met Sally (1989)

Harry: How about this way? I love that you get cold when it's seventy-one degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're lookin' at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely. And it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

To me, this is so sweet, simple n real. Or maybe I m just a cynic. Maybe I dont believe in romance anymore. I had this friend telling me that day He went to Bali n spent US$500 a night on a villa stay. That's excluding dinner, airfare etc... He doesnt have savings n earn abt $4k a mth. His car instalment per month oredi take up $1k. The villa is beautiful from the picture and I believe it's very romantic to do that. But I jus dun no how to feel secure with a man who lives from mouth to mouth, no savings in his mid thirties without a degree. His entire future is based on Singapore pools. I have no doubt he's romantic, sweet n all but as a gal, a realist, I think in this case, financial security come 1st above romance. I believe we can still be romantic without the extravagant spending. I would rather him save the money for rainy days or better use.

I m more of a realist, or some choose to call me materialistic, watever. I rather be with a man who earns $3k n saves a quarter of it rather than a man who earns $6k n spend everything. If u can't even establish the basics, y the talk abt romance n all. To me it's all bullshit. Providing n caring for yr loved ones making sure they are well taken care of is the utmost important thing. As for romance, we can always inject a little into the relationship as n when without being ridiculous.