Both sides now
So many things have happened in the past one month. It's overwhelming. My ex got married a month ago. At the same time, I met this Indonesian guy at zouk members bar. He's 3 years younger than me and he's kinda cute. So I thought good, I can use some distraction here. He comes here to visit his friends every month as he used to study here. He was kinda sweet and a little shy. I sent him back to the hotel, but we din do anything cause I didn't feel up to it. He jus held my hand and watch me sleep.
A week ago, my ex ex boyfriend drowned and died in Phuket. I freaked out when I receive the news. It's not that I still love him but why does he have to die suddenly? I broke down. I went to his wake, seeing his body lying in the coffin, so different. It was so surreal. The one that I used to love and hug, now lying there in that little box, so different. I had to fight back my tears at the wake, my eyes were already so puffed up crying at home. I held on till I reached the car, I broke down, I wept profusely. How can he just die on me like that? The 2 great loves I had in my life. One had a wedding, the other a funeral all within a month.
The Indonesian guy, B, told me he's coming back for the weekend and that he's gonna call me. Didn't want him to feel obligated, I told him he don't have to call if he's busy, but call me if he wants to. ' Don't be silly, I wanna call you', he said. So after mourning for my ex's death, I prepared myself for his coming. Went for facial, waxing, bought new lingerie and all. I thought he can be a distraction.
Friday, he 's not back yet, sat no call from him still. Think he came back on Sunday nite which I found out on Monday morning. Still no sound from him. By 7pm, after 3 martinis, I decided to drop him an sms. No reply after half an hour. After my fourth martini, I decide to call him. Several rings later, he picked up and abruptly told me he's busy, at a hawker center, call me back in half an hour. I was a little pissed with his reaction. After abt an hour later, sent him an sms; enjoy your stay and don't bother returning my call. It was my martini talking.
I went for dinner and 2nd round of drinks at balaclava which was boring as it was a monday nite. Except this 2 irritating duo who came over, onc with a deep receding hairline. Yes, now I m shallow. I only go for looks. I don't care if they are marriageable material or not, or if they make enough money. The band was good though, playing some hits which was poignant, hit right at my heart. I was in a state whereby I m ready to bring any cutie home if I come across one. I never even had a one nite stand before, nor a fling. But I m very emotionally vulnerable at this time.
What did I do wrong? I played by the rules. I nvr once mention anything abt feelings, emotions. I didn't even ask abt his status, single, married, attached? I m not looking for a relationship. I can't handle one now. I can't stand having someone around all the time. So there I tot B would be the perfect fling, company whatever since he's hardly in town. But now he just dropped me like a pin. Shite! I can't even define us. We are not a fling, not a one nite stand ( I din even sleep with him), let alone a relationship. We are jus a 'whatever'. And now I m being dropped by a 'whatever'. I know how paranoid guys can get when gals talked abt feelings and all. I skipped all of that. Anyway, we only met twice. I abide by the rules to the best of my knowledge, and now I m being dropped like a pin. I m pathetic. I broke down, not because I feel for this B jerk, but because I felt so rejected, so worthless. I was picked up by him and dropped just like that. Nothing. He didn't even bother a word. He cant be fucking bothered to say or show anything.
Can my life get worse than this? I've not had a relationship for 3 years. Dropped. I was dropped just like that, no rhyme or reason. With all the drama going on in my life, I thought that some distraction will do me good, but now it only made me feel worse about myself. I don't wanna play games, I just want some straight talking. Lay your cards and all. I can handle that better than being kept guessing.
Yes, u think I m pathetic and probably u are right! If you are a player and u chance upon this blog, please give me some advice and point out why am I being dropped like that. Pls offer yr 2 cents worth of thoughts, appreciate that very much. I m confused and lost.
A week ago, my ex ex boyfriend drowned and died in Phuket. I freaked out when I receive the news. It's not that I still love him but why does he have to die suddenly? I broke down. I went to his wake, seeing his body lying in the coffin, so different. It was so surreal. The one that I used to love and hug, now lying there in that little box, so different. I had to fight back my tears at the wake, my eyes were already so puffed up crying at home. I held on till I reached the car, I broke down, I wept profusely. How can he just die on me like that? The 2 great loves I had in my life. One had a wedding, the other a funeral all within a month.
The Indonesian guy, B, told me he's coming back for the weekend and that he's gonna call me. Didn't want him to feel obligated, I told him he don't have to call if he's busy, but call me if he wants to. ' Don't be silly, I wanna call you', he said. So after mourning for my ex's death, I prepared myself for his coming. Went for facial, waxing, bought new lingerie and all. I thought he can be a distraction.
Friday, he 's not back yet, sat no call from him still. Think he came back on Sunday nite which I found out on Monday morning. Still no sound from him. By 7pm, after 3 martinis, I decided to drop him an sms. No reply after half an hour. After my fourth martini, I decide to call him. Several rings later, he picked up and abruptly told me he's busy, at a hawker center, call me back in half an hour. I was a little pissed with his reaction. After abt an hour later, sent him an sms; enjoy your stay and don't bother returning my call. It was my martini talking.
I went for dinner and 2nd round of drinks at balaclava which was boring as it was a monday nite. Except this 2 irritating duo who came over, onc with a deep receding hairline. Yes, now I m shallow. I only go for looks. I don't care if they are marriageable material or not, or if they make enough money. The band was good though, playing some hits which was poignant, hit right at my heart. I was in a state whereby I m ready to bring any cutie home if I come across one. I never even had a one nite stand before, nor a fling. But I m very emotionally vulnerable at this time.
What did I do wrong? I played by the rules. I nvr once mention anything abt feelings, emotions. I didn't even ask abt his status, single, married, attached? I m not looking for a relationship. I can't handle one now. I can't stand having someone around all the time. So there I tot B would be the perfect fling, company whatever since he's hardly in town. But now he just dropped me like a pin. Shite! I can't even define us. We are not a fling, not a one nite stand ( I din even sleep with him), let alone a relationship. We are jus a 'whatever'. And now I m being dropped by a 'whatever'. I know how paranoid guys can get when gals talked abt feelings and all. I skipped all of that. Anyway, we only met twice. I abide by the rules to the best of my knowledge, and now I m being dropped like a pin. I m pathetic. I broke down, not because I feel for this B jerk, but because I felt so rejected, so worthless. I was picked up by him and dropped just like that. Nothing. He didn't even bother a word. He cant be fucking bothered to say or show anything.
Can my life get worse than this? I've not had a relationship for 3 years. Dropped. I was dropped just like that, no rhyme or reason. With all the drama going on in my life, I thought that some distraction will do me good, but now it only made me feel worse about myself. I don't wanna play games, I just want some straight talking. Lay your cards and all. I can handle that better than being kept guessing.
Yes, u think I m pathetic and probably u are right! If you are a player and u chance upon this blog, please give me some advice and point out why am I being dropped like that. Pls offer yr 2 cents worth of thoughts, appreciate that very much. I m confused and lost.
posted by Birkenstocker at 6:11 AM
5 Comments:
First off, condolences to your 2 losses. Still they are your exes for a reason and maybe you can draw some solace from this. Not telling you to forget them but as long as they are still in your heart, it should be enough. Time will heal this.
Am not a player here so i cant really comment on your other prob. But what i can say is , Life is unfair. Doesn't mean that by playing by the rules, you are a good player or you deserve a prize.
Pathetic? You are only pathetic if you think yourself so. I guess too many rejections really set you back. Take a break if you are tired, if not just go out and look around. There will be someone who will appreciate you.
This comment has been removed by the author.
Babe, not looking for a prize here, I m so done with it. I jus wonder why. so much to ask, no one to answer. my ex who got married, i m happy for him. men meet me, and they get married right after me. saying i taught them something or wat. so am i wat, mother theresa? I dun want to be one.
I mean why do men have to pick up women if they are not interested in the 1st place. Maybe i m jus some sort of bet. that's all.
take a break yes, i been having a break for past 3 years. Isnt that long enuff a break? I jus t started to get back in the game. Anyway, yes maybe it's me. I chose to be pathetic, wallowing in self pity.
I guess for us guys , its easier to put down something. We can forget easily, sometimes too easily. Whereas, women are more emotional and tend to hang on to stuff that are better off being forgotten.
Like you said, they are either treating you as a prize catch or they are just simply looking for short encounters which they will forget soon after.
A bad step back into the game doesnt mean its necessarily the end of it. Yes you maybe choosing to be pathetic, but are you happy in the end? Try to look past it and maybe you shall see something.
Hang in there sweetie.
Sod wallowing in self pity. Live for yourself. And oh, if you really wanna hang, come chill with me and my mates.
Don't worry, I'm only getting married at 75. That's slightly more than 40 years to go.
Post a Comment
<< Home